I really don’t mind being an introvert. It is what I am. Although it has taken me a while to get to this realisation.
I like turning the radio off; sometimes I’ve just had enough of noise. I’m always the one turning the telly down in the evening or radio off in the car. Noise doesn’t disturb me most of the time (I work with children, and have 2 of my own) but usually by the end of the day I just need quiet, especially if it’s been a busy one. One where I have had a meeting, met friends, had the boys home all day etc.
I’m happy doing nothing; sometimes it’s a need. I have to remind myself sometimes but I need to do nothing sometimes. This is probably more of a recent discovery. I just need to stop, be still, not read, or draw just be still. Meditation is good for this.
I don’t like big crowds; This is a funny one. It’s not crowded places or busy places so much. I can do busy pubs or buildings although I would rather a quieter restaurant or cafe. I don’t like a large group of people to socialise with. Large numbers people I have to talk to, I suppose it’s an aversion to small talk, pointless conversations if I have to talk to people I’d rather it was purposeful, not about the weather this leads me on to the next point…
I don’t like lots of conversations at once; I don’t like being in a group where there is lots of conversations at once, I struggle to consentrate. I’m much better one to one. Work is probably the worst, sitting around the lunch table with sometimes 3 or 4 different conversations going on at once, I just cannot cope with it some days.
I don’t want to be popular; I have absolutely no desire and I don’t think I ever had the desire to be popular. In school I moved from group to group I suppose I kept looking for the people that were most like me. My friends are precious to me and I am eternally grateful to them. They stand by me when I don’t call or message or miss things. They sit in silence,
I don’t want to be a public speaker; I have absolutely no desire to speak in public, read in church, make speeches, I would rather crawl under a rock! And this is where people struggle to understand. People keep trying to encourage me to develop these skills, why? I don’t want to be an extrovert I’m happy being me as far as I can and why on earth would I want to put myself into situations that will make me feel uncomfortable on a regular basis…no thank you.
I recently went on a hen do and it completely confirmed all these points. I struggled with the big group of people I didn’t really know but I was happy to talk and learn about people one to one. I had a lovely time chatting to people and can’t wait for the wedding. When on the vineyard tour I didn’t ask any questions, why would I make myself uncomfortable with a stranger in a public place? I needed time to myself sometimes, I needed quiet from the talking. In fact right now I am writing this upstairs in bed (my usual spot) having some peace from the boys and inlaws. I just need to be alone sometimes. On the hen do I didn’t feel the need to be in the centre of the group being ‘popular’ I was just me and had loads of fun. I struggled with dinnertimes, the many conversation times. And actually I struggled when we went out out more than I thought. Sometimes I just don’t settle into an environment and I just feel uncomfortable. It was loud with talking and we were surrounded by people I tried my best but I couldn’t wait to get back to the house. Most of all I was reminded of how lucky I am to have my friends. We lived together for 3 years and they just know me completely! They didn’t feel the need to check if I was ok every 5 mins, they supported my down moments, they listened, they understood and most importantly I had a ‘shcoopy shcoop”!!
I am an introvert and that’s ok! I don’t want to be an extrovert, I have no desire to be that person, that loud, confident, brash, on show all the time person. When you meet me I am quiet and but when you spend time you really see me! And I think it’s worth it!
From Lala, with love xx