I have always known and have always been a creative person. Fairly early on in my counselling sessions it became clear that my creative personality was being ignored, I wasn’t giving myself the opportunity to express my creativity day to day. This meant that I felt like there was a little Sara-Jane on the inside screaming to get out and express herself. I had completely lost myself partly due to the fact that I was not being creative and acknowledging this very important part of me. I had to set to work in expressing myself. I started making things for myself mostly in the build up to Christmas. I can’t remember the chain of events that then started Lala with Love decorations, like these:
I found using the dough really therapeutic and healing when I needed it most and to have people like and want to buy things that I made really boosted my self esteem.
My first counsellor wanted me to write a journal, at the time this was hard I mostly ended up drawing and doodling, the journey of rediscovering my creativity had really begun.
This is how I started unable to write at this point and only able to doodle, but this was how I was feeling, empty with nothing to give. I see these now and I think, wow, I was really low and trying to pour from an empty cup! It does improve, I promise it is not all this bleak. My current counsellor really wanted me to embrace this creativity. We did a session where I imagined what I would be doing on an ideal day. I was in a house by the sea , like in a town house with canvasses everywhere and paint and brushes and half drunk cups of tea and just mess! looking out over the sea and just being me! she really wanted me to buy some paints and explore how i was feeling…this happened!
So yeah this happened. I’m sorry if these worry you. they certainly worried Tim. This was how I was feeling, and still do sometimes. The left represents the noise around me and the mess of thoughts in my head and then the other is the brain fog, you just cannot see for the clouds! Tim had such a strong reaction to these I tried some thing different,
I tried to paint something that he would like and as much as he did like it, it wasn’t expressive enough for me. It didn’t satisfy the itch!!
Sometimes I find myslef doodling to explore how I am feeling about something.
In this case, something that was brought up with my counsellor about the fact that I don’t really cry anymore even though she can see that I am upset about things that we are talking about, I keep them in and they just will not flow.
It has taken me a while to be able to share some of these things with you. My drawing and doodles are an insight into my inner most thoughts and feelings, those things you just cannot put into words!
Now I can see a huge difference, there is more optimism in my drawings. Everywhere I look every notebook, diary, journal there is a sketch, a doodle, a something. It just shows that it is a part of me and I need to be able to express it whenever and wherever.
Now I am creative in so many ways. I doodle, draw, write, colour, paint, bake.
I love to bake my latest thing is to try and create delicious treats that are not too naughty. Avocado brownies or polenta lemon cake are some of my favourites. I’m really struggling with brain fog this week please bare with me. This post has literally taken me days. I just wanted to put across to you my development through my creativity. I would not have managed to get to this point having not reached out to a counsellor who made me realise that creativity was such a integral part of me! I wouldn’t have been able to deal with certain feelings, expressed how I feel to other people and provided therapy for myself by doing something practical and sometimes tasty! It is so important to make sure that you are doing what is you, what you need to be doing. Is there something you feel you need to do? whatever it is…DO IT!!! trust me.
I am Sara-Jane and I DO approve of every part of myself. (most of the time!)